Begin to make the shifts that lead to the close, connected relationships you long to experience. Work with the theme and affirmation below. Take time to experience the word and take in the affirmation. Living from these concepts is not always easy. The words and affirmations are designed to help you become more aware and intentional in your relationships.

Boundaries

I am responsible for my own boundaries.

It is my job to educate others on my needs and hopes for our interactions by communicating my wishes calmly and clearly. If the other person is unwilling to respect my boundaries, I empower myself to take self-supportive action. I cannot make another person behave in compliance with my wishes; however, I am in charge of my responses and reactions.

I empower myself to be clear about what I need in order to engage. Out of a deep sense of self-respect, I determine the boundaries necessary to me as well as a relational standard that is supportive of both people. I take full responsibility for the quality of my interactions by educating others on how I want to be treated, and I expemplify those relationship values as well.

 

Tip:  When you find yourself feeling disrespected, stop, take a deep breath, and try the following outline for expressing your need. Start by telling the other person, “It is important to me that we have a good relationship.” This statement aligns you with the other person. It sets an intention for the conversations and lets them know they are important. Then share a global ideal of what your need represents to you: “For me that means _________________________.” A global ideal may be something like “that we talk calmly and respectfully,” “that we assume the best of each other,” or “that we take the other’s needs into consideration.”
 
After this, you can make a specific request appropriate to the situation and the specific relationship. Start this request with the words “Would you be willing?” Because our boundaries are our responsibility, it is important that we not assume others will accommodate us. If the other person isn’t willing to accommodate our boundaries, we can let them know we will be exploring ways to protect ourselves or support ourselves independent of their actions. If they are willing to shift, be sure to express appreciation. Take in and acknowledge the fact that you have been heard and your needs are important to the other person.
 
Books like Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself by Melody Beattie and Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend are dedicated to helping individuals empower themselves in their own boundaries. Imago relationship counseling is also a great way to learn and practice these skills and shift out of unhealthy relational habits. If you are interested in a private couples or family Imago Therapy session, call (816) 359-1885 or email laura@creativegrowthandhealing.com. I would be honored to help you on your journey.

©2018 Laura Aube

 

Workshop Opportunity: There’s still time to sign up for our next Workshop on Saturday, November 10.

Connected Parents/Thriving Kids Parenting Workshop

Are you concerned that your child may be experiencing the stress of exposure to bullying, drugs, violence, peer pressure, messages in the media, or messages from peers?

Learn how to be the one your child comes to!  

  • You will learn how to create safety for your child to share their concerns with you.
  • You will learn how to create a relationship in which you are your child’s source of emotional support. 
  • You will learn to facilitate conversations that help your child develop problem-solving skills and coping skills.  

Children today may be struggling to cope with bullying, drugs, exposure to peers who are self-harming, loss, change, school stress, or insecurities. This unique class teaches parents the skills needed to create a relationship with their children that helps safeguard them against the multiple stressors today’s children face.

Register by October 27 and receive a private 30-Minute Parenting Consult 2-3 weeks following the workshop.

Connected Parents/Thriving Kids Parenting Workshop

All Day - Saturday, November 10, 2018

8:30 AM - 5:30 PM

 

 

Laura Aube, LPC, ATR-BC, Certified Imago Therapist
creativegrowthandhealing.com
Email: laura@creativegrowthandhealing.com

Phone:  816-359-1885
Address:  207 South Washington Street, Raymore, MO 64083

Laura Aube is licensed as a Counselor in the State of Missouri.  She has advanced training as a Certified Imago Relationship Therapist, as well as a fully-credentialed Art Therapist.  She has twenty-five years of experience as a therapist and specialized expertise in grief, trauma, couples, and family therapy.